Hey team, and Tattoos and Tulips followers. 

I need to be transparent with you guys. I hurt someone today. Whether it was intentional or not doesn’t matter, because it hurt someone I cared about. 

Because I didn’t think I’ve ended up in this situation, let this be a cautionary tale to you and a learning experience for me.

Today I received a message from an old friend Robbie the original sprite artist for Tattoos and Tulips.

 They were reasonably upset with me because I hadn’t sent a simple message, one that could have saved me from the situation I find myself in now.

“Hey buddy, we decided that we wanted to start Tattoos and Tulips again, though Emiko and I want to go with another artist for the project.”

I’m sure this would have been painful to tell them, but ultimately I probably would have saved them and myself plenty of embarrassment.  

My inexperience and sense of entitlement has brought me here. I’d inadvertently taken some of their design elements and transferred them to this new project. This was by no means my intention but here it is.

Shay’s tattoos, the one on his shoulder blade: the sun, and the little iconic tiny heart by his v line are not my designs, they were Robbie’s. I’d completely forgotten that, in my head I had given him those tattoos but I was come face to face with my own ignorance. 

I genuinely thought I didn’t owe them an explanation: “This project is mine, the story, the characters (their personalities and designs).And though this is true, most everything was my own idea, it was no longer just mine when I created a team of Emiko, Robbie, and myself in July of 2021 for the yaoi jam.

Robbie wanted to help me bring one of my stories to life, for free, just like you guys are now. And unintentionally I spit on him when I hadn’t even notified him Emiko and I started this project again this year.

I also want to clarify Emiko (Lanae) had nothing to do with this. She asked me if we should tell Robbie we’d started the project, and I’d said: 

But the kicker is, I never did. I got caught up in my own head. And soon I forgot all about it.

Somehow it got worse when I unfollowed them, whether it was due to some guilt I had or an accident is unknown even to me. I do believe it was an accident, as I still was/am friends with them on Discord. But it only makes me look worse, and I can’t blame them for thinking so.

I don’t know how I’d react. 

How do you tell someone you want to find someone else? That their art isn’t what you’d envisioned for your project?

Well, maybe just start by telling them.

I didn’t even do that.

I guess I was excited about a whole new everything, like starting over. I’d rewritten TNT, I’d sought out replacements for everything.  I had no ill will towards Robbie not even a little, they were a good friend, and a talented artist. But somehow, that makes all of this worse.

I told them I didn’t think I had to tell them cause I didn’t outright take their ideas.

Not consciously. But I had, and they were sure to tell me so.

It’s not that I didn’t think they’d ever find out. I mean they did. I guess I just figured when they did, it wouldn’t matter.

This was stupid thought, again, I felt like all these ideas were all mine and Emiko’s (Lanae’s), and because I haven’t been in visual novel development for long I didn’t know what unspoken rules there were for this sort of thing.

I don’t know how I could have expected a different reaction. It was fucked up, the more I think on it. 

All I can do is being as honest as possible and hope that speaks for my character that I feel is now in question. 

I don’t claim to be the nicest person, or the smartest. But I don’t think you need to be nice or dumb to let someone know you’d started a project you all started together without them.

Robbie and I had worked on another project together. We both had been busy in development with personal issues. (there is no issue with this of course,) but in my mind, and theirs we had both abandoned the project. 

In my mind, it showed a lack of dedication to their own projects and I worried it would filter into mine. 

Turns out I was completely wrong In thinking that too.. It was a complete and total misunderstanding. I believed it to be the truth and didn’t want our project to go on hiatus. (Ironically this would not have been the case). It’s on account of my assumption, and not just communicating. 

Then there was also how we left Tattoos and Tulips when we couldn’t meet the deadline for Yaoi Jam, I felt they and Emiko couldn’t work together. (Again, they had their issues but I just assumed.)

What could sum up all this is me assuming, forming baseless opinions on my feelings without properly communicating them, out of fear it would cause an issue.

Funnily enough, it would have been less of an issue had I just been upfront. Had I just said everything above, I know it would have ended better than this will.

I’ve apologized to Robbie, probably not enough to be honest, but apology is just words, in order to prove that I feel horrible for whats happened I am righting my wrongs. 

Starting with taking the tattoos off of Shay- I apologize to my current sprite artist VeryFatCat that I consider my friend, that she has to go back and fix something I should have never left in.

She had no idea what she was doing, because I never even thought to tell her.

Thankfully, that’s all in regards to the project that needs to be corrected other than my attitude and way of going about doing things from here on out.

There’s a good chance I have lost a friend today, and depending on you (the reader) take this, another friend or potential fan.

I love this project, more than I think anyone does. I was willing to do anything to see it thrive. Even if it meant hurting a friend along the way. 

There’s passion, and then there is reckless abandon.

The worst part is, I don’t know if I would have come to this realization myself had they not messaged me today. 

I don’t know if that’s on account of me being stupid, starstruck, or inconsiderate.

Regardless, I want to apologize to Robbie again in front of everyone. I want them to be properly credit for the work they did do on Tattoos and Tulips, and apologize that I’d been so blinded by how well this project was coming together that I couldn’t see anything or anyone.

I want to think I treat all my team well, that I am open and honest with them. I feel like I have been, but that hasn’t always been true. And if I don’t be honest now, then there is no way any of you could ever trust me or feel comfortable working with me.

Tattoos and Tulips will continue. I, along with so many of my team have put countless hours into this project and I want to see it through, no matter what. I won’t blame any of you, if this has left a bad taste in your mouth and you want to leave the project as a result, or stop following as a result.

I will be crediting Robbie for their work on the project and doing everything possible to right my wrong. They are incredibly talented, and despite being blisteringly mad with me, they still had the courtesy to reach out to me. When it would have been easier or more fulfilling to slander me over Twitter or something.

If there is anything more I can do to prove that I will do everything in my power to avoid making such a severe lapse in judgment again, consider it done. I need to do better if I ever hope to be successful, with Tattoos and Tulips, this industry, and as a person.

-Joy